An Unusual Anniversary

It's the middle weekend of June 2014 and the weather is warm, windy, muggy and cloudy. There's nothing unusual about that, in fact it's a typical British summer's day. What is out of the ordinary is that all around me cars are sporting miniature England flags and many houses are decorated in a similar way. In our newspapers and on other media, especially television the tempo is rising and armies of pundits are preparing themselves. Yes, it's World Cup time again.

For the dyed-in-the-wool fan this is a festival that comes around just every four years and has to have the most made of it (although here in Europe the European Nations Championship somehow manages to bridge the gap in between). However, for those of us who aren't enthused in such a way the feelings can be quite different. When I was young I did have a degree of enjoyment for the game and regularly attended my local club with a good friend (who happens to be as keen on the sport as ever). Indeed, I can still recall clearly that magical day in 1966 when England won the World Cup, to some degree against expectation.

But for me personally that represented a high water mark as far as being a follower of the sport was concerned. Nowadays none of it does much for me and to be surrounded by all this enthusiasm can at times feel quite irritating and deep down all I want is for it to be over. If you happen to be a fan of the game then I'm sorry, but that's the way I feel nowadays. I can no longer feel your enthusiasm, probably in much the same way my love of steam railways is difficult for you to figure out.

But all this activity does cast my mind back to the last world cup in 2010 and events that occurred to me then. The early part of that year had seen me taking my first tentative steps into the world as Susan. They were fairly short and nervous steps but my desire for more was growing. But in the June of that year with world cup fever reaching its customary fever-pitch ahead of England's first game and idea formed in my mind. While the rest of the country was glued to their televisions on that Saturday night, I would treat myself to an evening out as Susan.

I suppose one reason behind this might have been with the rest of the country stuck indoors watching the football, the outside world would be seriously underpopulated which at the time for a fledgling transwoman might have been a serious consideration. But somehow looking back my primary motive lay in making a symbolic gesture in disassociating myself from an overriding male stereotype. But putting all the theory aside, I decided to head of into the Sussex countryside and a spot on the South Downs near Lewes.

In those days leaving home was very much a planned operation and something of an ordeal. I would get myself dressed and made up and them don a track suit and remove my wig. That way I perceived that if any neighbours saw me they wouldn't notice anything out of the ordinary. Although anyone who knew me well might wonder what I was doing wearing a track suit, especially on a Saturday night. After all, I've never been know for my sporting prowess, but needs must. So this particular Saturday evening saw me parked at a favourite car park on Ashdown Forest where I completed my preparations before heading south towards the Downs.

My memory of the drive was how quite it was for a Saturday evening - hardly surprising. My destination was Firle Beacon car park, somewhere I knew very well and had in fact been the location of my first every outing some three months earlier. It was far from totally deserted but still quiet enough to give me the space to enjoy the evening and take some photos.

With the sea behind me - A prefect evening

Looking Straight into the setting sun
at Firle Beacon Car Park

I was probably only out for a few hours but the enjoyment of the moment was something special and far better than sitting at home watching football.

Six days later was England's second match and I decided to repeat my plans for this evening too. However the weather wasn't as kind on this occasion and a trip to Bewl Water in Kent was a bit of a damp affair. But I did get the chance to take a few photos.

A Damp Evening at Bewl Water

So, here we are now four years later and this time I won't be heading out for the evening. The imperative that drove me in 2010 has been diminished by the progress I've been able to make in the meantime. The year 2010 turned out to be a bit of a non-starter as far as my progress as Susan was concerned. By the autumn I felt rather disillusioned by my ability to go out in public as a woman. The following year saw me make a determined effort to put things right, with a reasonable degree of success. But it was 2012 that was the real game changer (sorry about the sporting expression). I was lucky enough to develop some new friendships that continue to this day. There's far more details in my previous blogs about how this came about and of course names are named.

On the other have I don't how much the England football team has progressed, but I'm sure we'll find out later on this evening.........

Thank you for reading this.

Susan XXX