Retrospect - Leaving the Closet Behind -7

Next Steps

After what I considered to be a successful couple of days out in Taunton with Lucy & Mandy and then with Sonia, I had to decide where to go from there. It was clear to me that although I had spent a day out in a bust town centre, I had been in company all the time and indeed company of the sort that instills confidence. So I knew I had to do it again but this time on my own.

Before that, there was the matter of bluebells..........

Down amongst the Bluebells

One of the chief delights of a British spring, for me anyway are the bluebells that carpet the floors of our woodlands each year from April through into May. The love of this sight goes back to childhood and even after all these years the sight of this annual delight never fails to move me. There are many places around the country where you can see such beauty each year but one of my favourite places is Angmering Park in West Sussex. This is an area of woodland on the south slopes of the downs near Arundel and is crossed by numerous public paths. Much of the woodland has unrestricted public access and is thus ideal for viewing the bluebells in all their splendour.



Down Amongst the Bluebells

I've visited the area before at this time of year and two years ago saw one of my earliest trips out as Susan. Sadly the occasion was ruined by a pair of ill fitting boots that left me with some nasty blisters on my heels. This time though I had learnt my lesson and my boots were up to the job. However, before going for a tramp in the woods I had to take in a bit of shopping first.

As I explained in an earlier blog, in February I had made my first visit to a branch of Marks & Spencer during a trip to Surrey. Now I was to make another trip but this time to their Shoreham branch in West Sussex. I've lost count of the number of times I've been to this one but this would the first time as a woman. Any nervousness I was experiencing was heightened by the fact that is was relatively local and used by many people I know who have no knowledge of Susan

In the event the visit passed off without problems and I wasn't aware of the presence of anyone I actually knew. Looking back now I can't actually recall what is was specifically I was shopping for but I know I didn't actually buy anything. However, as ever it was pleasant just to spend some time just wandering and browsing amongst the clothes on display.



On the South Downs at Chantry Post

So, then it was on to the woods and the bluebells. There's not a lot to add here other than to say the flowers were beautiful and that my visit passed off without incident, other than getting a little bit lost at one point. But I soon got back on track.  On the way back to the car I came across a foreign lorry complete with a driver who asked me if I knew where a certain property was. Given my lack of local knowledge and not being able to speak his language, whatever it was, there wasn't much I could so for him.

On my home I stopped off at Chantry Post car park on the South Downs above Storrington in order to enjoy the view and of course take some more photos. The day had gone well and this time my feet were still in working order.

Farnham - Solo Around the Shops

As I stated above, although I had a successful and confidence building day out with Lucy and Mandy in Taunton, I knew that the next step was to do it on my own. The day after my bluebell trip in West Sussex, I had to be in Surrey for an evening event and so I decided on the way there to spend some time in Farnham on a solo shopping trip.

Farnham is a typical bustling commuter belt market town with an average sized shopping centre. It does suffer from something of a traffic problem but at least there is a good sized car park close to the shops. Whenever you're doing something new like this the route from the car park to the shops takes on greater significance than usual. Before setting out I found myself consulting Google Earth and rehearsing my walk from the car park to the shops an Street Level. This might sound rather extreme but perhaps it's an indication  of just how apprehensive it is possible to get in such circumstances.




After Going Solo

In the event, with or without Google Earth, I managed to park the car and find my way to the shops without incident. Very soon all fears had had passed and I started to enjoy being out shopping on my own in my chosen gender. I took in all my favourite high street shops and then found a cafe for a coffee break. As I approached the place (a branch of 'Cafe Rouge') I was hit by a feeling of nervousness and for a moment I thought about turning away. I've had this sort of feeling before and, as in the past I overcame it by a combination of anger at the way I felt and determination to do what I really wanted.

Once inside the staff couldn't have been nicer and I had my much needed refreshment. Afterwards I did some more wandering around the she and finished my trip in Boots where I picked up something for my lunch and some items of makeup that I needed. After that it was to the car with an overwhelming feeling of elation at having carried out my first solo shopping trip as Susan.

A Special Shopping Trip

Something that many of us are aware of is the problem of finding shoes. Of course there care many transgendered women who have no difficulty in finding shoes in there size anywhere on the high street and to those who can I offer my congratulations and deepest envy. My own feet are of a size that are towards the top end of sizes available in men's shoes and so I haven't a hope of walking into a shop and finding anything in my size. In one way this works in my favour as it has probably prevented me from amassing a huge collection of footwear. As a man I could never understand who women needed so many different shoes. Now, as a woman I still don't really understand, all that I know is that I love them and would love to own many different styles.

But on the debit side the reality is that I own few pairs and it is extremely difficult to get anything to fit. Of course if you look online, especially on eBay you'll find many women's shoes in larger sizes but almost without exception the heel sizes start about 5 inches and go much higher. This might be OK for tottering around the dance floor at your favourite clubbing venue, but for those of us who desire to go out into the real world they are useless.

Over the years I've tried a few specialist suppliers with differing results. Up until about 5 years ago there was a company in the UK called "Hayway Shoes". They specialised in all sorts of large sized footwear and most of their products came with a choice of heel size and style. I bought a pair of very strappy sandals from them with a nice 1.5 inch heel. I was delighted with them and I still wear them today for special dressy occasions. However, soon afterwards I went to their website to order some more shoes, only to find they'd closed down. Apparently the lease on their factory had run out and they decided to call it a day. That was a shame as I had got the impression that their was a lot of items I could have bought from them.

Another dealer I have used is "Magnus Shoes", of Northampton. They have a wide range of women's styles up to size 12. Sadly though, almost all of their items are in a C fitting. This isn't much help when your feet are on the wide side. I do have a pair of brown slingbacks from them and they are a delight to wear. But unfortunately several other items I've bought from them have proved to be too narrow to be of any use.

Another possible supplier was Evans, who supply large clothing sizes for women both on the High Street and online. At one time they had started to stock size 11 shoes but unfortunately have over the last year cut back on the range to size 10. This was a pity as during the summer I tried a pair of boots on in one of their shops which was supposed to be size 10, two below my size. They almost fitted me and I felt that I was getting close to the stage where I could buy shoes from them in one of their shops.

This, however, led me to have a look at the large woman clothes market and as a result I found "Tall Girls", who are based at Alton in Hampshire. Although most of their range is up to size 11, there are many in size 12 too. They have a showroom which is for appointments only and so I contacted them to book an appointment. I was a little concerned that there was mention of supplying to the TG community, which is something you often see on such sites. However, whilst making the appointment I did enquire and was assured that they were quite happy to do so. It is a bit of a shame there is no mention on their website as I feel the danger exists that some Trans Women might be put off, which would be to the disadvantage of all concerned.

The showroom is located just outside Alton and as is my usual  habit I arrived in very good time for my 2 pm appointment. The day in question was a Tuesday and one of those rare things in 2012, a fine, warm sunny day. So with time to spare I decided to visit Alton town centre and see if I could repeat my solo trip to Farnham of a couple of weeks previously. As it turns out, every Tuesday a street market is held in the town centre and consequently it was very busy. But it was a joy just to wander around the stalls and shops. I took in a coffee and one of the many such shops in the town and came away from the time there feeling as if I'd built on previous experiences. I was aware of a few possible "reads", but I was also aware that they all came from men of a certain age. Was I being checked out? No, surely not............


Some Very Rare Sunshine

After the shops I spent some time sitting in a lovely little park in the town centre. Being a warm fine day and also being lunch time by now it was quite busy. Just to sit there as me and watch the world go by was sheer bliss. Soon it was time to head on to Tall Girls but I still had time to stop in a nearby village for some photos. One of these is included here.

The appointment was very straightforward and I was made to feel very welcome. The lovely woman who looked after me was so helpful and let me try on as many pairs as I liked. One thing I already knew was that my right foot is significantly smaller than my left and this did cause some problems. Some styles that fitted my left foot were too loose on my right. I've since found ways to alleviate this but at this time it did restrict my choice. Nonetheless I was able to find three pairs that I like and came away one very happy woman. Tall Girls? I can't recommend them highly enough.


More to come.........


Thank you for reading this


Susan XXX