Retrospect - Leaving the Closet Behind -5

A Trip to the Essex Coast



St Peter on the Wall, Bradwell

During the early part of the year there had been a number of photos published on Flickr by some of my contacts taken in and around the Essex coast. This is a strange and interesting part of the country which has long held an interest for me and prompted me to arrange a day out there as Susan. One place in particular that I wanted to visit was the ancient church of St Peter on the Wall near Bradwell on Sea. This old building which dates from the 7th century can only be reached by walking from a remote car park.



The Peace of the Interior

So, after a longish drive up from Sussex, braving the twin evils of the M25 and the Dartford Tunnel, I arrived at the car park just outside the village of Bradwell on Sea. From here it was a walk of about half a mile to the sea wall and the church. Although it was mid-March I'd picked a perfect day. I had left Sussex in fog, by now it had been burnt off by the sun leaving a gloriously sunny day. Although it wasn't busy, there were a few cars parked and along the way I managed to exchange the usual pleasantries with other people.

It didn't long to walk to the church and soon I was entering this very ancient building. It's difficult to get you head around the fact that people have been coming to this spot for over 1300 years. In fact the church was built on the remains of a roman fort, so the site occupancy goes back even further. Most visitors today come in peace, but that hasn't always been the case. In Saxon times this coastline could be a very dangerous place. The preceding centuries had seen the Anglo-Saxon incursions and proceeding ones would see the Norsemen turn their attentions to this coast. Even in our times, this coast has been at the centre of potential invasion threats.







Along the Coastal Wall

But today the overall feeling both inside and outside the church was one of peace. Having completed my visit I went for a walk  along the sea wall to the north and enjoyed for a while the open skies and solitude on offer. One interesting feature along this stretch of coast is a line of 11 gravel filled barges sunk about 250 yards off shore. These are there to provide a degree of protection for the nature reserve in this area. If you look closely at the photo here you should be able to make out some of them on the horizon behind me.

After enjoying this beautiful piece of coastline, It was time to head on a bit further and I decided to head for the town of Maldon, some 15 miles away. This town, of Anglo-Saxon origins, lies at the top of the Blackwater estuary and is one of the largest along this part of the coast.

I headed for Promenade Park which is a large recreation area on the eastern side of the town. Being alongside the river it held the promise of some nice scenic walks. Given that it was a weekday in March, the place was quite busy with a large number of cars parked. But then again with the gorgeous weather this day it was hardly surprising to find so many people wanting to take advantage of it.





On the Sea Wall at Maldon

Somehow I managed to park quite close to the promenade which gives the park its name. From there I was able to enjoy a stroll and take some photos too. At the head of the promenade is a huge statue of Byrhtnoth, a 10th century Saxon leader who was killed leading  the Anglo-Saxon forces at the nearby Battle of Maldon in 991 against Viking invaders. The Vikings were trapped on Northey Island in the River Blackwater and Byrhtnoth was supposed to have let them cross the causeway to the mainland before the battle started. Whether this is true or not remains open to debate, but in 2006 the statue was unveiled.

All too soon it was time to start heading home. However I had enjoyed my few hours in this lovely part of the country. In modern culture Essex is often regarded as an easy target for cheap jokes about the flat countryside and its occupants. But it's an area with it's own dramatic and at times haunting landscape. As for the population I didn't have any problems with them and it's somewhere I'd be more than happy to return to.

A Trip to the Hairdressers

One of the great pleasures of being transgendered is being able to explore life from a female point of view. So often things that baffled me as a man become so easy to understand when viewed from a female point of view. Of course one thing we find out quite quickly is the mystery of the handbag. Men will always wonder why women need to carry so much around. But once you start to use one of your own you realise that it is important to carry so much, even if you can't explain why.

Then of course there is the unsolved mystery of the black hole that every bag has lurking in its depths. I'm referring to the fact that the little item you're looking for becomes impossible to find, only to suddenly reappear later on. I've noticed that all of my larger ones have the ability to hide such large items such as camera and hairbrushes. I don't suppose anyone will ever be able to explain this phenomenon.

Another aspect of being a woman is the love of visiting the hairdressers. Men find it hard to understand why anyone would want to spend any more time than necessary have their thatch sorted out. Personally when I'm have my own hair cut I consider 10 minutes more than enough. However, after my Essex trip I was to have the chance to sample hairdressing from a woman's point of view and began to understand why it is such a pleasurable experience.

I'd had my present wig for just over a year and although it doesn't get a lot of day to day use, it was showing signs of needing a bit of TLC, especially in the frizzled ends that were appearing. After discussing the matter with Lynne at Femesque, where I bought the wig, she suggested I should come in one day and have it washed and blow dried. There was the added bonus of having it "done with the wig in situ".So I made an appointment and the day duly arrived.

The appointment was started by being sat in a chair with a magazine to read whilst my wig was taken away into another room to be humanely washed. This done it was returned to me and put in place to allow Claire, one of Lynne's lovely assistants to work her magic. It's difficult to describe what it felt like to sit there and have your hair blow dried and styled as a woman, but believe me it was wonderful and is something I would happily do again. Eventually I was walking out of the door feeling like a new woman.



Daffodils in Chiddingfold

I had the rest of the day free so I decided to make my way home across country and do some photography. Being spring I was keen to get some photos with springs flowers, especially daffodils as a backdrop. It take long to find a suitable location as driving through the village of Chiddingfold in Surrey I passed a village green with a carpet of gorgeous daffodils around the pond.

It was far too good to miss so I turned around, parked and set about getting the photos I wanted. It was only later looking back at the photos I realised that my yellow top was a prefect match for these lovely spring flowers.



By the Wey & Arun

After Chiddingfold I headed down to Petworth in West Sussex to see if there was any spring colours in the park worth capturing on camera. Sadly though I was disappointed when I got there as the was nothing to really inspire me. So I decided to head to Loxworth and have a walk along the Wey & Arun Canal.

The Wey and Arun Canal dates from the early 1813 when an act of Parliament was passed authorising the construction of a canal to link the navigable parts of the River Wey in Surrey and the River Arun in West Sussex. As the Wey flows into the River Thames this would allow an inland transport route between London and the South Coast, Portsmouth in particular. At a time when relationships with Napoleonic France were very bad, such a route was very attractive.


However, in spite of initial success, the canal's life was very short, defeated by development of the railway network and as a result the canal closed to traffic in 1871. nearly 100 years later in 1970 a group of enthusiasts got together to form a society dedicated to the restoration of the abandoned canal. Their story is one of a long hard struggle which is now producing clear results with stretches of the canal open once more but this time for pleasure crafts. Their story is far to long and involved to detail here but more information can be found on their website.



Brewhurst Mill

To me it's always been a delightful place to relax and enjoy a peaceful walk along the towpath or even take a cruise of one of the boats. However, I'd never been there before as a woman and I felt this would be a good day to do so. Being mid-week there were no facilities open and no cruises running, but it was just lovely to spend some time walking along the towpath and in the surrounding countryside. I thought at first I had the whole place to myself, which was surprising considering what a lovely day it was. But there were a few dog walkers around although the animals seemed to be more interested in me than their owners.

A short distance from the canal is Brewhurst Mill, which is a "retired" watermill, not far from the canal. Although it stopped production in 1968, most of the machinery is still intact. In fact the water wheel was superseded by an engine in 1928, although it can still be seen. The mill is privately owned and usually closed to the public. However, occasionally it opens for special events and I was able to tour the inside in 2011.

Whatever the case it makes a fabulous backdrop for a country girl who's keen to have her photo taken in lovely surroundings. Having done so I made my way back across the fields to the canal and soon it was time to head home but what a great day it had been. Not only had I had my hair done but also had the opportunity to spend some time in such gorgeous countryside.

So, things were still progressing for me I felt and I was getting out of that closest. A couple of outings where I had been getting more contact with the public. There was still some way to go, but what was to follow next would be, for me, a big leap.

More to come.........


Thank you for reading this


Susan XXX

Retrospect - Leaving the Closet Behind -4

It's been a while since my last instalment in this series so I thought it was about time I returned to it. In the meantime I've been away on holiday in Cornwall with my good friends Lucy and Mandy and this has been the subject of three blog postings.

A Day Out in Bosham and Arundel with Jane

After our day out at Winkworth in November, Jane and I agreed that we must have another one again soon and preferably before Christmas. However, domestic pressures for both of us meant that it was February before we could arrange a date.  After some discussion we decide to meet at Bosham, which is an ancient village within Chichester Harbour in West Sussex.

Bosham has a number of historical claims to fame and is actually depicted on the Bayeux Tapestry. These days is is a lovely waterside village which is joy to wander around at leisure. I've done this so many times in male mode, but this would be my first time there as Susan.



Together with Jane in Bosham

Jane and I met up as agreed in the car park and from here made our way into the village. Our first stop was the village's church which has origins going back to Saxon times. I've been into this this church many time before but I don't recall ever seeing it quite so busy with other tourists. But we enjoyed our visit and then headed out towards the waterside where we started a long walk around the harbour.
This actually dries out at low tide and is used as a temporary car park. However, woe betide any motorist who forgets the incoming tide and although I've never seen it myself, there have been many cases of waterlogged cars.


There's also a public footpath across the harbour which must be very rare indeed. As it was dry we took advantage of the chance to cross the harbour on foot. However, having done so we returned via the longer but landward route.

But this was February and by now both of us were feeling the cold. Although I had made sure of wearing plenty of layers and a nice warm coat, I'd opted for light nylons and my legs were beginning to complain. So we decided to leave Bosham and head inland and East to Arundel.



Swanbourne Lake, Arundel

One of Jane's favourite places is Swanbourne Lake, which is located in Arundel Castle Park and is open to the public without charge. As well as a delightful lake and walks, there is also a tea room. We parked in the riverside car park and made our way along to the lake. Once there, of course, the photos started - well, what else are two women going to do in such lovely surroundings.

Sadly though, we hadn't been there long when the rain started and as we were some way from our cars we had no option but to head back to the car park. By the time we had, the rain had really set in and we felt we had no real option but to call and end to our day out. We said our goodbyes and headed off home.

On the way I stopped at Wiggonholt church which is located near Pulborough by the Pulborough Brooks on the River Arun. The weather was slightly better here and I felt I needed a bit more Susan time. Wiggonholt is one of those Sussex villages where the settlement has long disappeared leaving just the church and perhaps a farm or two. There are quite a few such places and it's one of my personal delights to discover and explore such places.


Wiggonholt Church

The church itself dates from the 12th century and is largely unaltered. Unusually, although by no means unique, it doesn't have any particular dedication, although it might have had once and knowledge of it has been lost over time. I managed to spend a while enjoying the quiet solitude of the interior before making sure of some photos of myself outside. Then, with the daylight fast disappearing it was finally time to call it a day and head home.
 



Return to the Snowdrops



Lamberhurst Snowdrops

In a previous blog I related how I made a visit to Lamberhurst in Kent in late January to see the display of snowdrops in the churchyard. I'd usually expected to see them at their best in late February but as the displays nearer home seemed to be earlier this year, I brought forward my visit. However, it was far too early and I had been disappointed. So, having resolved to return in late February and just two days after my day out with Jane, it was into my best country girl outfit and off to Lamberhurst.

This time I was to be anything but disappointed. The display was, as ever, a delight. We are so fortunate to be able to enjoy these "early bird" flowers which are usually the first thing to come into bloom as we emerge from the deepest part of our winter. Quite why Lamberhurst Churchyard should have such a rich carpet is not something I've been able to find out. But at the end of the day I'm just glad they are there and that this year I was able to enjoy them in my chosen gender.



A Big First on a Sunny Day

It had been a busy week for me with Jane on the Saturday and my snowdrop expedition on the Monday. Now it was Thursday and time for a Femesque Cheese and Wine Party. This was the first one of the new year and I had determined that the day was going to be a special one. Some months before a good friend had suggested to me that a good way of breaking the ice as far as shopping as a woman was concerned was to wander into a branch of Marks and Spencer and buy something. M&S have a reputation within the UK TG community of being very  trans friendly. So in some respects it is considered by more experienced girls to be "easy". However, for a newbie like me it felt like like a mountain to climb.

I found that M&S had an out of town store at Sandhurst, not too far from Femesque. Like many such stores, it is a joint venture with Tesco and boasts quite a large car park. Having found a space and parked my car, and assured a little European gentleman that I didn't want my car washed, I made my way to the cash machines. These were very busy and I had to queue for a while. Doing so in such mixed company when you're already very nervous is not something I'd have wished for. But on the other hand these things have to be done if you're going to be out in the big wide world and having done so without problems I found it gave me quite a lift.

So, on into M&S and shopping for the first time as a woman. When you've been used to buying female clothing whilst in male mode shopping as a woman comes as a very pleasant surprise. What you get is an overriding feeling of actually belonging,. You become totally engrossed in checking out clothes and seeing what's available. Holding up a dress against yourself in front of a mirror is one such treat. I wonder how many of us would dare do that when dressed as a man?

The only problem for me this day was that there wasn't anything in particular that I wanted. This didn't stop me having a good look around, but I desperately wanted to make as purchase as Susan. Of course you can never have too many slips, or at least that's what I believe. So I found a nice little medium length full slip in my size and went to buy it. That was easy enough of course with the sales lady being very nice, as you would expect.



Me and the Duke

Mission Accomplished! I'd been shopping as Susan and enjoyed every second of it. But I needed something for lunch so I headed for the food hall and bought a sandwich. On the way back through the store I was approached by an earnest young lady who called me "Madam" and asked if I could help her with a survey. Instinctively I turned her down with a smile and a shake of the head.  Later on I regretted not speaking to her as it would have been an interesting experience. However, I'd been called "Madam" for the first time in my life and that was priceless!

All this took place on a very sunny and indeed warm February day and was characteristic of the strange weather patterns we've experienced in 2012. I had some time to kill before I had to be at Femesque and so after having a drive around I stopped in Aldershot alongside a massive statue of the Duke of Wellington and together we posed for some photos in the gorgeous winter sunshine. This statue had originally been located in central London but had been to this location in 1885.

Soon it was on to Femsque for another pleasant evening, but for me the day would remain unmatched by the fact that I'd taken another step out of the closet. There was still some way to go but I knew I was moving in the direction I wanted. There's more to come soon........

Thank you for reading this

Susan XXX

A Holiday in Cornwall - Part Three

Welcome back!

Thursday 27th September

Since knowing I would be spending a week in Cornwall in my female persona, I had the ambition to visit Land's End and have myself photographed against the magnificent backdrop that is the sea view from this famous headland. I had told Lucy & Mandy this and they were was keen to come along. Many years ago, when I was much, much younger Land's End was a simple place to visit. There was a car park, a hotel and one or two low-key attractions. However, from the late 1980's onwards a series of property deals resulted in the site being developed into a gaudy theme park.

The presence of such places at iconic beauty spots is controversial, with good reason in my opinion. To be honest it's difficult to understand the justification for this eyesore at a place that has attracted visitors for many years down to ages. Many of the so-called attractions have little or nothing to do with the area, let alone the headland and one is forced to the conclusion that it is all about the quick buck and little else.



Penzance Flower Girl

We started the day in traditional fashion by stopping at Penzance and hitting the shops. This is the most Westerly town in Cornwall and is set around the harbour where there is a large car park From here a lift takes you through a modern shopping building straight into the main shopping area. The first stop, as ever was for coffee and much needed refreshments. It was interesting to find the place full of mothers and pushchairs, presumably a post school run gathering place.

In spite of being built on hilly ground we managed to negotiate the streets without to much both and enjoyed a nice wonder around the shops. I picked up some clip-on earrings from Claires, to add to those I'd bought earlier in the week. A girl can never have too many earrings and as one who has to use clip-ons I find Claires a good source.

With lunch in mind we tried to find the toilets and ended up at the railway station. After our experiences in Newquay were weren't too keen on this but thankfully Penzance station obviously takes pride in all their services to the public. In spite of looking at several places we couldn't find any that took our fancy for lunch and so we ended up back at the coffee shop we'd used earlier.

So, suitably refreshed we headed towards Land's End and the delights that awaited us. It's about a 40 minute drive from Penzance to Land's End and it takes you across some of the most rugged and wildest scenery in the county. Once this area was teeming with the mining industry, supplemented by fishing villages along the coast. Nowadays most of this has gone with the last mine, at Geevour having closed in 1990. This is now open as a tourist attraction and indeed the area as a whole relies on tourism and the heritage industry. Against this background it is tempting to be sympathetic to such ventures as the Land's End Theme Park.

So, we arrived and were greeted by an expected request for a £5.00 parking fee. Having negotiated this and parked, we made our way to the entrance, past the disabled car park which was strangely devoid of blue badges. The entrance to the theme park was through a mock-classical portico, emblazoned with the the title "Land's End", just in case you didn't know where you were. If this seemed out of place on a remote Cornish headland, then sadly it was in keeping with many of the attractions contained within.



The End of England

But, we didn't come here for that but instead to enjoy the view from this famous headland. Thankfully, after several days of poor weather, the visibility on the day of our visit was near-perfect. The view was clear to the Scilly Isles, nearly thirty miles away. Also visible was the Seven Stones lightship, marking the reef of the same name. In 1967 was the scene of the infamous Torrey Canyon disaster. when the super tanker ran aground on the reef and leaked some 140,000 tons of crude oil into the sea, much of which came ashore on the coast in the South West of England. Those events are chronicled in detail elsewhere but suffice to say it was an event that left a lasting impression on those who remember it.




Close to the Edge

A famous attraction that predates any theme parks is the Land's End signpost. For a fee (not insubstantial) you can have your photo taken in front of this landmark with the name of your home town and the distance to it. Needless to say there are plenty of railings surrounding to ensure that no DIY photos are taken. We decided against this luxury and instead headed off to the "First & Last House" a little way along the headland. But that was just about it for us and having got our photos we felt it was time to leave.

On the way out Lucy and I used the ladies and whilst waiting for us Mandy realised that a couple were taking photos of her. Once I appeared the camera started snapping again. Perhaps these idiots thought that people a bit different were fair game for their curiosity but in my book it was just plain rudeness and speaks volumes about how low standards of behaviour have slipped. Lucy, however, summed it up perfectly when she wrote in her blog: "It's great to find such open minded people, imagine encountering a wheelchair and t-girl fetishist together, what are the odds?!?" As well as this episode I had noticed that from the moment we entered the place I was aware of a large number of reads - far more than at any other time during our holiday. Lucy and I discussed this later and we came to the conclusion that a big factor was the general boredom amongst the patrons of this "tourist attraction".

That was it as far as Land's End was concerned and there was a general feeling as we drove out of the place that none of us had a desire to ever return. We decided that an ice-cream would be nice so we headed for nearby Sennen Cove. Sadly, when we got there we discovered we would have to pay again to park and apart from putting up the price of the ice creams, after Land's End we were in no mood to fork out any more cash just for the privilege of stopping the car.

It was with a feeling of despondency we headed off home and to lift out spirits I suggested we went via the North Coast road. This is the road that runs through St Just, Pendeen and Zennor towards St Ives. I've been along here in thick fog on past occasions and it's been hard to see your hand in front of your face. However, today nature was on our side and the views were fantastic and went a long way to restoring our dented spirits. St Ives is a narrow crowded town and I usually take the train when visiting, so it wasn't my intention to drive through the middle of the town. However, due to yet another navigation error we did indeed end up in the town centre, but thankfully it wasn't as bad as I had feared. But regardless of that it was another first for me!

Back at the cottage we had decided to visit the on-site Italian restaurant that evening by way of a change. It was nice after our day out to change out of my skirt and top and into a dress for the evening. The meal was very nice and just what we needed after our day.

Friday 28th September

The last full day of our holiday and from the outset we had planned it to be something special. We were going to spend the day in Plymouth, which although strictly speaking isn't in Cornwall (it's in Devon actually) it is one of the largest cities in the South-West. Lucy and Mandy had been there before and I had also been shopping there a couple of years before (although not as Susan). The idea was that any money left over from could be put to good use on a mega shopping trip and we were really looking forward to it.

So, what went wrong? That was a question we would be asking ourselves in depth later in the day, but it started off OK. We made our way to Plymouth without too much trouble although yet another navigation error saw us miss the car park entrance and have to go around again. Sadly I don't think we managed our earlier target of an error every day. Nonetheless we did notch up a respectable tally along the way and proved if nothing else that we're only human. Having parked, we headed for a coffee shop for our usual refreshments.

It was then a case of hitting the shops, which should have taken up the rest of the day, apart from an intended "touristy" excursion up to Plymouth Hoe. However, whilst waking around a large department store we encountered a young jerk who we suspected of taking photos of us. The confrontation that followed was quite vocal and I felt, on reflection, was partly down to our annoyance at events the previous day at Land's End. Nonetheless we came to the conclusion that we should carry on our shopping elsewhere.

This is what we tried to do but it soon became clear that the incident had dampened our spirits and so we brought forward our visit to the Plymouth Hoe. This is an area of high ground between the city centre and the anchorage of Plymouth sound. The views over the harbour and surrounding area are spectacular and went a long way to restoring our mood. The Hoe is of course famous as the site where Sir Francis Drake was playing a game of bowls when the Spanish Armada appeared in the English Channel in 1588. In a demonstration of measured calmness he insisted on finishing his came first before heading off to deal with these potential invaders.



A Big Wheel in Plymouth

Whether the story is true or not, or indeed if he was playing bowls as we would know it is open to speculation. But it's a wonderful story of calmness in the face of adversity. Also on the Hoe is "Smeaton's Tower". This was the third of the famous Eddystone Lighthouses and stood on those rocks some 12 miles South-South-West of Plymouth from 1759 until 1882, when it was replaced by the present structure. Although the tower was sound, the rocks on which it was built were found to be breaking up. The best solution to this was an entirely new lighthouse and the existing one was dismantled and rebuilt here on Plymouth Hoe.



The Three of Us Together on the Hoe

Today it is open as a tourist attraction and the view from the top is worth the climb. Somehow, though, I don't think I would have fancied the idea of living inside it for weeks or even months on end in the middle of the sea. Lighthouse keepers were a rare breed indeed!

After our trip to the Hoe we returned to the city centre and resumed our shopping. After a tour of many charity shops we headed for BHS in order to use their restaurant for lunch. It may be that BHS have a policy of good customer service but it seem somewhat adrift on the day of our visit. After being kept waiting by a complete absence of staff, we were informed that what we wanted was off the menu, so we decided to go elsewhere. Somehow in the process of moving I became separated from Lucy and Mandy and eventually had to resort to my phone to find out where they were. It was at this point the battery in my phone went flat. (Apparently you're supposed to re-charge them if you leave them on all week!) I had another phone but not with Lucy's number on it. Somehow I manged to transfer the number from my dying phone but it took several attempts.

By the time we finally met up my nerves were in shreds and so we decided to use the ground floor cafe in BHS and take whatever they had to offer. By this point we all agreed that the day had little left to offer in Plymouth and decided to head back home, after picking up a few essentials in Boots. It was as we headed back to the car park that the good citizens of Plymouth got their chance to annoy us one final time. There were three lifts serving the car park and it seemed we were waiting for ever. Each one that arrived on the upper floor, where we were waiting seemed to be full of able bodied people and leaving no room for a wheelchair.

I could see that Lucy was getting more and more annoyed and so it came as no surprise when she finally pushed Mandy's wheelchair into a crowded lift and informed the occupants that it wasn't going anywhere until they were allowed in. This did the trick and one of the occupants volunteered to get out. In the meantime I decided it would be best to use the stairs and so made my way to our floor, where I found the pay machine being repaired with a long queue in front of it. Meanwhile Lucy and Mandy emerged from the lift, beaming with triumph after asserting their rights.

I did a quick tour of adjacent floors in order to find a working pay machine but all of them had long queues. I ended up back on our floor where the thing had by now been repaired. We couldn't get out of the place fast enough but somehow managed to pick the exit queue where the barrier had decided to pack up. Once through this last obstacle we were out of the city and frankly quite delighted to do so.

On the journey home we chatted about our experiences and we all agreed it had been a bruising experience. I think Lucy was the most downhearted as it had been her idea to visit Plymouth as a finale to our holiday. As she said, she had been there before and never had any problems.

On the way back we stopped at a supermarket to pick up a few supplies. At this point it would have been easy to let Lucy go in by herself and I could sit it out in the car. But I was determined not to be beaten by some pubescent creep and his camera-phone so I decided to go in with her. Over the course of the week it seemed that we visited a supermarket each day and on most days I accompanied Lucy. Looking back I realised that on no occasion did we have the slightest problem. No reads, no stares and certainly no comments. The staff were always friendly and at no time were we made to feel unwelcome or ill-at-ease. I think one reason is that people in supermarkets are always busy and concentrating on their own business. As we discovered the day before at Land's End, where boredom is rife then the number of reads can go through the roof.

Come and Get It!

Once back at the cottage we had a couple more events before we had to ring the curtain down on our holiday. The first was the appropriate disposal of a particular badly present loaf of sliced bread. The lucky beneficiaries of this were to be the ducks and other assorted water fowl who reside on the holiday park's lake. Did they enjoy it? You bet they did! The photo here of Lucy and Mandy handing out the treats shows only a small proportion of the birds that mobbed us when the bread appeared. It may have been a lousy loaf of bread but it was certainly appreciated by our feathered friends.

The other event of the evening was a meal in the park's pub. There's not a lot to say about it other than the surroundings were nice, the staff were friendly and food was lovely. (Oh, and the beer was good too!) After the trials and tribulations of the day it helped make up for it quite a lot.

Saturday 29th September



Two Lovely Friends

And so, it was the last day of our holiday. As usual, there's not much you can do but pack, have breakfast and then head home. I'll freely admit that when it finally came to saying goodbyes and leaving I felt quite emotional. Lucy and Mandy have freely taken me as a friend and let me into their world to an extent that I found quite warming. From the outset Lucy made it clear that they regarded me as one of the trio rather than someone who was sharing their cottage for a week. This proved to be the case throughout the week and at no time did I feel the need to get out by myself.

As I walked up the path to the car there were tears in my eyes. It's true that fresh makeup can make my eyes water, but this was much more. Six hours later I was home and filling up the washing machine. The holiday only lasted a week but the memories will be around a lot longer.

Thoughts and Conclusions

That's a rather grand sounding heading, but whatever holiday you have it's usual to reflect on it afterwards. Whilst writing this blog, at times I've worried that I might have come across as rather negative, dwelling on things that have gone wrong rather than the good bits. Well, although some things and events might not have been to our liking, on the whole is was a lovely holiday with the positives far outweighing any negatives.

Of course being out in the world as a trans woman leaves you open to all sorts of unwanted attention and although there were examples of this, there were other times when there was no trace of it.

One thing that was in my mind was the long term effect it would have on my attitudes to being a trans woman. Lucy has written elsewhere that the two weeks she spent in the Lake District in 2011 as a woman finally convinced her that living full time as a woman was the only realistic option for her. Against this background I wondered if I might come away from this holiday with similar feelings. In the end it didn't happen, although as I said to Lucy I now understood why this happened to her. Living for a whole week as Susan wasn't a thrill or an exciting experience. Instead I was left with a sense of how comfortable I felt in my female persona. If the time comes when I decide to go full time then at least I know that I can be Susan.

As I've written above the over-riding memory of this holiday was how lovely it was to be in the company of two wonderful, supportive and undemanding friends like Lucy and Mandy. A lot has happened to me this year in my transgendered life and much of it is down to the support given by these two friends. Thank you Lucy and thank you Mandy - I can't tell you you adequately just how important it's been to me.

As well as my blog Lucy has written here own account of our holiday and it can be found on her website. If you've never been there then it can be found here: www.prettylucy.co.uk/

Thank you for reading this

Susan XXX