Too Hot For Me

Once again England, or at least the South East part has suffered an outbreak of summer. Now, I appreciate that there are those amongst us who love hot weather and indeed, appear to believe that there's no such thing as being too hot. However, I don't number myself amongst those. In fact I always feel that once the temperature starts to creep above about 20c then it's far too hot. So, the sudden return of hot weather, along with the "promise" of it being the hottest this year was greeted by me with dismay.

It was all the more unfortunate, therefore, that I had decided on a couple of days out just at this time. But, nothing was going to thwart my plans so I went ahead regardless. Other commitments had meant that I hadn't been out as Susan since my return from my recent visit to Somerset and I was in need of some serious Susan time. So, with a few quiet days coming up I thought I'd put together two days of going out.

I've heard it suggested that it's a good idea to always have some idea of what you're going to do when you have a day out in your femme persona. That way you're not left in the situation of wandering around with no apparent course of action. So, I always try to leave home with at least one destination in mind.  The problem on this occasion was that I couldn't think of any, or rather I had several in mind and couldn't settle on any of them.

In the end I headed for a shopping centre near Gillingham in Kent for a spot of, well, shopping. After that I would head off to some attraction or other somewhere not too far away. Hempstead Valley is a typical modern shopping centre on the outskirts of Gillingham, close to the M2. I had been there once many years ago but never as Susan. These days I'm feeling more and more confident when out in public, even in busy shopping areas. But there's always extra apprehension during school holidays, as this was when you know there will be lots of children about. There is a perception that children, with their lack of adult inhibition will not only spot a trans woman more easily but will also not think twice about announcing such a discovery to the world at large. Whatever the truth in this I had no such problems during shopping or indeed at anytime during the day.

The shopping centre had a full range of all the usual high street stores and I spent my time their browsing around my favourites. I had hoped to pick up a new powder from boots the replace my usual one that I find keeps breaking up. Unfortunately they were out of the shade that I wanted. However, I found something suitable in Marks and Spencer. Whilst in M&S I decided to have a coffee, but on reaching the cafe I found it was heaving. There was a long queue and very few spare seats. So it was time to try elsewhere, which is a shame because their cafes are usually rather nice.

"Elsewhere" turned out to be a nearby Sainsbury's which had a cafe. It wasn't as nice as M&S and the coffee was straight out of a machine, but at least I could get a table. It also gave me a chance to wander around the clothes section but without finding anything I liked.

Soon it was time to leave and I made my way back top my car. I had taken the precaution of parking on the far side of the car park where there was at least some shade under the trees. I soon picked mine out from a distance but as I approached I received a terrible shock. There was a strange man sitting in the driver's seat and he was staring straight at me. Thankfully it only took a split second to realise I had approached the wrong car and indeed mine was parked a few vehicles along. Same size, colour and shape, but an entirely different make. I composed myself and walked along to mine, but the look on my face must have been a picture!


Tunic and Leggings

I had at this point decided to head to Rochester and visit the cathedral and/or the castle. It's not too far from the shopping centre and as long as I could park up easily I'd be happy. But that was the problem - what car parks the town had were full up. In recent years Rochester has invested a lot in its tourism industry. As well as the Cathedral and Castle, and the nearby Chatham Dockyard, it also has strong connections with the author, Charles Dickens. But it's no good trying to encourage visitors into the town if they have nowhere to park. The town only has a handful of car parks and most of them are quite small. The largest can only accommodate about 250 vehicles. There is no park and ride scheme either as far as I can tell. So I was left feeling that this is a place left until times when there aren't so many around.

Whatever the case it was time to move on somewhere else and so I decided to head to Ightham Mote, which is a National Trust property some 12 miles south-west of Rochester near Sevenoaks. As the name might suggest it's an old manor house built around a mote and dating from the 14th century. In recent years the National Trust carried out a 15 year program of restoration which totalled about £10 million. The restoration work featured in a "Time Team" special TV program in 2004. So if you go there at the dead of night you might just hear the ghostly voice of Tony Robinson asking awkward questions......

Not surprisingly, by the time I arrived there is was busy, but at least I could park my car. I was soon inside, after having my membership card checked by a very friendly American lady. After much needed refreshments, I settled back to enjoy my visit. After the noise and bustle of a shopping centre and the traffic of Rochester, it was lovely to be in the peace of the Kent countryside.

I started by heading into the extensive grounds of the house, partly just to soak up the atmosphere but also to get some photos. The problem was that someone had put the sun in the wrong place. In most of the best views the camera was looking straight into the noon day sun. But I persevered and eventually managed to get some worth publishing. I spent a while slowly wandering through the grounds, enjoying the walk and gradually making my way towards the house. There were quite a few people about including lots of families with young children but no-one seemed to take any notice of me.


Ightham Mote on a very sunny day

By the time I arrived at the house I was ready to sit down for a while, after all it was a very hot day. Close to the entrance is an small formal Elizabethan garden and I took the opportunity to rest in the shade for a while and take some photos. This time the sun was in a favourable position and the photo here is an example.

It was now time to take a tour of the house. It's somewhere I have been to before and so I didn't spend a lot of time there but instead just enjoyed wandering around looking at the rooms and exhibits. There were a number of modern art items on display which were to form part of an sale in the coming weeks. The prices on these items were, to say the least, eye-watering. Somehow I don't think I'll be buying anything.

I did pause for a while in the private chapel inside the house to read one particular memorial. This is a plaque that commemorates the son of the previous owners who was awarded a posthumous Victoria Cross in the First World War. Alongside the plaque is the original grave marker from the military cemetery in Belgium where he is buried. It's all the more moving when you discover that his older brother died in the Second World War some 23 years later.

Having finished my tour it was back out into the sunshine to take a few more photos (of the house, not me) before heading to the gift shop. As well as buying a book here there were also ice creams available which on a day like this were hard to resist. Then it was time to head on home and reflect on what had been an enjoyable day. I had every intention of going out again the following day but, with the temperatures forecast to rise even higher I eventually decided not to. Perhaps it was more sensible to wait for a day when your choice of outfit isn't so critical in the heat and of course you stand a better chance of actually bring able to park you car.


Thank you for reading this

Susan XXX


Retrospect - Leaving the Closet Behind -1

Where I was.........

Towards the end of my previous "Retrospective" Blog I explained how I was getting frustrated with my fears of being too close to other people whilst out and about, or as I put it, I felt I was not so much out of the closet but rather I was taking the closet with me.

Reedham Ferry, Norfolk

The photo here of me at Reedham Ferry in Norfolk in August 2011 is a perfect example of what I mean. This particular weekend I had stayed at a hotel and left in the morning as Susan. This was a first for me and I had really been nervous walking out of my room and past reception. But I had done it and was feeling really proud of myself. But, that was it. At every other point in my travels that day I took good care to avoid any kind of contact with any human being. It might have looked to be the easiest thing in the world to walk the short distance to the ferry behind me and cross over the river. But nothing in the world at that point would have possessed me to do it.

This state of affairs was really starting to annoy me and I knew I had to face up to it if I was to get anything like the enjoyment and satisfaction I was seeking as a woman. But August drifted into September and then October with little sign of me being able to break out of this situation.

Looking for an answer.........

In late October I was chatting online to a good TGirl friend and I was sharing with he my frustration with my progress. She offered a piece of advice that I didn't take up straight away but it gave me something to think about. Her advice was quite simple - start with something simple. She suggested that I should visit a branch of Marks and Spencer, walk in and buy something small such as a pair of tights. She assured me that I would find that no one would pay any special attention to me as most people in the shop would be more interested in going about their own business. Of course Marks and Spencer have a reputation in the UK of being very TG friendly as their staff are trained in dealing with members of our community. In the event I didn't take up her advice at this point but it did make me think a lot about it and I began to realise that I could make the move that I desired.


What I did do was get in touch with an old friend who had been going out a lot by herself and to all sorts of places, including some very public. We'd known each other for about two years and had met on a couple of occasions. At that time Jane was as experienced as I was with the outside world but with the help of a very supportive spouse she had stepped into the outside world and had really made it her own. So I was hopeful that she might be able to give me a little help and encouragement. We quickly made arrangements to visit a National Trust Garden property in Surrey and fixed a date for a coming Saturday.

Preparing.........



Ashdown Forest

However, as the time approached I felt unhappy about loading too much responsibility on Jane for getting me out more and really felt that I should be doing more for myself. So, on the Thursday, two days before our day out, I went out by myself with the intention of trying to do some more on my own.

Initially I headed to Ashdown Forest, which is a place I've visited many times before. After a stop for some photos (and shoot a couple of videos) I then decided to head for a local garden centre. I can remember now just how tense I was walking from the car park and then imagine my horror when I saw that the cafe near the entrance was packed with a large group of motorcyclists.

But by now I felt I had reached the point of no return so I walked straight past them and realised they had paid me no attention. So I had a wander around for a while before leaving, going past my group of non-attentive  motorcyclists. Those motorcyclists will never know just how much they helped a TG with her going out in public on that day.

From here I decided to visit a nearby church for some sightseeing. Church architecture, particularly English Gothic, has long been an interest of mine and I always like to take the opportunity to visit somewhere I've never been before. Near to Ashdown Forest is Withyham Church which I had tried to visit some before but on that occasion had found the car park locked. This day however it was open and I felt it was a good day to visit. Of course being mid week you'd have expected it to be deserted. So I was surprised to find a party of visitors being shown around inside. But, this was supposed to be a day of "meeting the public" so in I went. At least it meant that a church which is often locked was actually open.

I was generally left to wander around by myself, which is how I like to view old churches, regardless of which mode I'm in. However, towards the end of my visit one an elderly man who had been showing some of the other visitors around came up to me and asked if I needed any help at all. It wasn't an easy situation for a TGirl trying to get over being in company, especially when your voice is the thing you feel least confident about. But somehow I muddled through and satisfied him that I didn't need any help.

My last stop of the day was another garden centre, although somewhat closer to home and larger than the one I had visited earlier. It was also one that I had visited many times before in male mode. As I approached the main door of the centre a female member of staff held the door for me. As she did I noticed she gave me a long quizzical stare. Well, I could probably guess why but the great thing was that it didn't bother me. I was getting to know that one of the important things about being in the outside world was being able to deal with the reactions we get. So, if she had read me then OK, she has to deal with it. I have a right to be there.

I enjoyed my wander around this garden centre far more than I had my earlier one. I was more relaxed now and by the time I left to go home I felt I had accomplished something very important during the course of the day. Now I was really looking forward to my day out with Jane.

Winkworth with Jane.........



Jane and me at Winkworth Arboretum

Wiukworth Arboretum is a National Trust property in Surrey, not far from Guildford. It's a lovely place for a walk in the country in pleasant surroundings although being close to major towns and this being a Saturday it was sure to be moderately busy. We were also hoping to enjoy some autumn colours although by now it was mid November and we'd probably missed the best of it.

I had agreed to meet Jane in the car park about midday but as I was running early I stopped of at a woodland car park on the way to give my boots a try. I'd had a lot of problems with them in the past and I was trying some new socks with them to make them easier on my feet. After a brief walk about I was happy with them and so it was on to Winkworth.




My Walking Outfit

Jane was already there when I had arrived and had got the tickets for us. So in we went and enjoyed our afternoon's walk. From the point of view of being a Tgirl there's not much too add. We were just two women enjoying a visit to a lovely garden and woods, just like so many others that day. As we expected, the autumn colours were rather diminished although as the photos show there was still some to enjoy.

Following our walk we headed back to the tearooms for some well deserved refreshment. Whilst there both Jane and I felt, separately, that we'd been read. But really, that has to be their problem. There was one amusing episode whilst we were enjoying our tea when one of the male staff who was clearing the tables started to chat to us. Jane and myself made our best efforts with what female voices we had and he certainly showed no reaction. Actually, he was quite pleasant and it was rather nice to be chatted to under the circumstances.

So, by the end of a lovely day out I was feeling on top of the world as far as being Susan was concerned and I knew that in a relatively short space of time I had made a lot of progress and was feeling far more self-confident.

Now it was time to build on this, more to come.........


Thank you for reading this

Susan XXX

 



At the Crossroads

The title might suggest that I've reached some sort of crisis point in my life, but in fact it's a play on words to describe my recent weekend with my friends Lucy and Mandy in Somerset. During a previous visit we talked about me visiting at a future date in order to go with them to a meeting of Bristol Crossroads. This is a TG support group who meet once a month in the Bristol area and as I know a few people who attend I thought it would be nice to go along. The meeting due to be held at the end of July was their annual barbecue and so it seemed this would be an ideal one to attend.

Originally I had intended to travel to Taunton on Saturday to meet up with Lucy and Mandy and then go to Bristol. I would then return home on Sunday. However, Lucy persuaded me to arrive on the Friday so that we could make a weekend of it. My journey down was the first time I had driven to the West Country as a woman. It was quite a hot day, coming at the end uncharacteristic warm spell. But it was so nice to drive there in a nice light skirt and top combination and enjoy the freedom of being in my preferred gender. I only made one stop on the was there and that was at Illminster to pick up some fuel and a snack for myself. Then it was on to Taunton to be housed and fed by Lucy and Mandy with their customary hospitality.


So, Saturday morning found Lucy and myself heading off to Exeter for a nice girly shopping trip. And that's exactly what we had. Shopping with Lucy is always an enjoyable, if tiring experience. Quite honestly there's nothing like wandering around and browsing through loads of clothes shop. Of course to this has to be added a large number of charity shops. These are excellent places for picking up a bargain or two and the best thing is you never know quite what you'll find in them.



Let's Go Shopping!

If you measured the success of a shopping trip in terms of purchases then like most such outings, this one was a failure. But of course one of the things you discover when you explore you female side is that there is far more to shopping than just buying things. I've had plenty of experience in the past of shopping for female clothes as a man, and to be honest it's a fairly cold experience. But to wander around countless shops as a woman, especially in the company of such a good friend as Lucy is a wholly different experience. Just to stand in front of a mirror and hold a dress up in front of yourself to get an idea of how it will look just has to be tried to know how it feels. Then of course there is the experience of taken some outfits to the dressing rooms to try them on. That beats it all.

I'd already bought my outfit for the forthcoming evening and all I was looking for was a nice big scarf to go with it. Lucy on the other hand was seriously looking for a bargain and soon found a dress that she liked. However, she wasn't convinced that the the size on the dress was right for her and so went off to try it on. A few moments she was back smiling triumphantly because it was a prefect fit. This just proved the value of trying on an outfit at the store.




A Little Piece of Culture

So, the rest of our time in Exeter was taken up with more shops, coffee, lunch and an impromptu photo session outside of Exeter Cathedral. On our way back to Taunton Lucy took me on a tour of the Blackdown Hills, which lie between Honiton and Taunton. It was here that she had lived until quite recently and it is certainly a lovely area. However, it is rather remote, especially in winter and this was one of the reasons for her recent move to Taunton.

Then it was back home to Lucy's for a rest and to get ourselves ready for the evening. Crossroads is held at a village on the outskirts of Bristol and Lucy had asked if I would be prepared to drive. Given how much she had done in terms of driving on my previous visit I was more than happy to agree. The journey was at least an hour's drive, even in good traffic conditions. So we left in good time leaving us plenty of time to get there. In the event the motorways were good to us and so we stopped near Bristol at a service centre for a coffee.

On reflection this was a bad idea. Although the coffee franchise was part of an alleged major international chain, the coffee and other drinks were of a very poor standard. Perhaps they are obliged to lower their standards to conform with British Motorway Service Centre regulations.

However, the worst part of our visit was that Mandy twisted her knee getting out of my car. She has been suffering from a bad knee for some while now and only recently received some treatment that had made a difference. Now, in her struggle to get out of my little car she had hurt herself and for a while it seemed she was back to square one. I can't describe how bad I felt about it but of course for her it was a whole lot worse.


So, bruised and battered in several ways, we made our way on to our meeting. These are usually held inside the village hall but as this was a barbecue it started outside. Although it was high summer the evening soon turned chilly and many of us were glad to be able to don cardigans and coats to keep the "summer" evening at bay. The meat for the barbecue had been obtained from a local butcher who specialises in different flavoured burgers and sausages and it showed. There were several varieties on offer and the ones I had were delicious.


Our New Dresses

Gradually the evening chill took its toll and we were soon inside the hall where it was definitely warmer. I was struck by the friendliness of many of the members and was able to enjoy a chat with quite a few of them. This is not always something that is true of such meetings but Bristol Crossroads certainly was a nice venue and it was clear to me why Lucy and Mandy are regular members. It also gave me a chance to meet Viki, who I had met a few weeks before when I visited Bath with Lucy and Mandy. All too soon, though it was time to leave and head back to Taunton, but not before we had stopped at a shop to pick up food supplies for the journey.





Firepool Lock

The following day, Sunday, I was due to head home, but I had already told Lucy that I wasn't in any hurry to get away. So, a morning and lunch in Taunton town centre was arranged. After breakfast we walked along the canal towards the town centre. This allowed yet another photo opportunity, this time at Firepool Lock. Lucy has used this spot before for some of her photos and now it was my turn. This is the point where the Bridgwater & Taunton Canal joins the River Tone. In days gone by the canal continued further West to Tiverton via the Grand Western Canal. Much of this still exists in the Tiverton area but is now isolated from the Bridgwater & Taunton. Whilst we were at here there was a reminder of another form of transport from a bye-gone era and that was the unmistakable sound of a steam hauled train departing from Taunton Station. Music to my ears!

The walk along the canal was bracing and a good antidote to the tiredness I was feeling after what had been a very active few days. We stopped at Firepool Lock for a while and made sure that the had the photos we wanted. After that it was on into the town centre and our first stop at Debenhams for a much needed coffee. Although Sunday shopping hours had been relaxed for the duration of the Olympic Games, Debenhams were sticking to their usual Sundays hours and so we were left kicking our heels for about 15 minutes. It's not often that I find myself being first across the threshold when a store opens its doors, but it was the case on this day.



Does it Get Any Better?

So, after a much needed coffee we spent some time browsing through the outfits on display. Then it was off around the rest of the town. I happened to mention to Lucy that one type of place I had yet to visit as a woman was a pub. For Lucy that's enough to be regarded as a challenge and so she decided we were heading to one of Taunton's town centre pubs, The Perkin Warbeck for lunch. This establishment, named after the famous 15th century pretender to the throne, is a large town centre pub with a wide range of food on offer. Having selected our meals we went to order and here I was thrown momentarily but the woman behind the bar when she greeted us with "How can I help you, girls?" To be honest I'm getting used to being called "madam" and really enjoy it. But this was the first time I'd been called a girl and it threw me momentarily, much to Lucy's amusement.




Sunny - For Once!

After lunch was over we headed back to Lucy's, via Vivary park. This is always a favourite for photos and for once the sun was shining during my visit. We lingered here for a while the get some photos in these gorgeous surroundings. After such a hectic weekend it was a joy to end it in such a way.

However, time was pushing on and as I had a long journey ahead of me it was time to turn thought towards leaving. So we headed back to Lucy's and said our goodbyes. But I was left with memories of a few days spent as I'd wish and in the company of two lovely friends

Thank you Lucy and Mandy XXX

....and thank you for reading this


Susan XXX